May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize