You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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