Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
