I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
