she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize