girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize