I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
