Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
