The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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