ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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