he shaved USA in his pubs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
