Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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