carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
