talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
