she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
