last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
