Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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