I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
