no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
