1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
