Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
