Farmville is her only friend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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