MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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