My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
