I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its about making memories worth repressing
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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