do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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