Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
