My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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