We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
