he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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