we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
