Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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