Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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