the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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