Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
