i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
