You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize