Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
