What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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