Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
