Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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