the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
