Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
