My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize