Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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