1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
