I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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