you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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