It was confusing and full of hummus
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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