In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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