i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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