shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
