youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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