he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
