it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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