oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
