A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
