If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
