Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
