My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize