She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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