So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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