S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
