dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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