so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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