apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
