theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
