I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
