bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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