Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
