I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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