so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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