Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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