READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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