I have demons in me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize