I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
