Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
