How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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