Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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